there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
