I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
