it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
