Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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