you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
