are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Randomize
