Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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