Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
