yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
