So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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