you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
