I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
