It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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