i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
