Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
