Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
