drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
