You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
