So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
