I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
