so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
