I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
