At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
