I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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