My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
