my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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