I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
