I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
