I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
