I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
