I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
