if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
