So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
