I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
