Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
