My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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