I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Randomize
