then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
