I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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