I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
