I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
