perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
