Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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