my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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