just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
