What did we do last night that was yellow?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
