Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
