so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
