90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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