I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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