You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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