Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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